Healing the shame!

I thought I would open up a little bit about something personal that has been going on in my life for over 20 years. It’s a bit off topic from my regular fitness/nutrition stuff and hopefully you won’t be totally offended if you follow me for that. I just feel like this is the right time. Sadly, most women are afraid to talk about abuse and I figured my little victory may help empower some of you. If you have followed me on Facebook at all you may have noticed some posts about stalking I made, but if not then I’ll give you a little background. A boy I dated in my Junior year of high school seemed like a really nice guy. He had already graduated and would wine and dine me. To be honest, it was really flattering and was a great way to get me hooked. Then little things would start to change. He would ask me where I was after school and look at receipts to see what time it was when I left the store and how long it would have taken me to get home when he called. I was just a kid, and didn’t pick up on the big old RED FLAG smacking me in the face. Trust me, that wouldn’t happen now. Anyway, things just continued to escalate and he abused me in  every way you can imagine. He’d use threats of kidnapping my brothers as a way to control me and keep me. He’d apologize, wine and dine me, make me feel special and then go for it again. This wash, rinse and repeat cycle went on for about a year and a half until I had reached my limit the day he actually put a gun to my head . Fortunately, he was slightly drunk and I was able to overpower him and get away. That was the FIRST time I told anyone and the LAST time it ever happened to me. I know that seems crazy for those of you out there that have never lived this, but YES it took that long for me to find my strength to speak up. I found a safe person to tell, my Dad, and he was my knight in shining armor. That was the last time I ever had physical contact with my abuser. However, he continued to write me at home, and work with stories of watching me from across the street, etc, etc. I started dating again, fell in love with a man who has never raised a hand to me and we got married. I kept our announcement out of the paper so my new name would be less obvious since my stalker watched the paper. I monitored the internet for any mentions of my married name, links to my stalker, and wrote to those websites to have information removed if it did become public. This was something that was always on my mind. Until the dreaded day when he found me again. I didn’t have the protection of my married name anymore and I am highly visible with my professional job and my online business. The letters, harassing messages on social media, and emails became more frequent. His pledges of unending devotion and continued love for me plastered the pages with subtle threats woven in. It was time to act and protect myself and my family. I decided to get an order of protection. I don’t know what the laws are in your state, but in mine you need to go before a judge and the person you are getting the order of protection from needs to be invited to court with you to state their side of things. The thought of being in the same room with him or even hearing his voice still sends my stomach to my feet, but I had to be an example of strength for my daughter. Thankfully, he did not show up to court. He did manage to call my lawyer 4 times the day before and the judge a few times (totally showing his whack-a-doodle side), but he did not call or come in to argue against the order. Today I can celebrate that my case is the first historical order of protection granted by the judge. It’s been over 20 years of stalking. I know it’s just a piece of paper and I still need to be aware, but it’s a victory. So, if you think that you don’t have any options let this be an example to you. Don’t stay silent. There are tons of resources available to help. Check out http://www.evawintl.org or contact your local DFSS programs.hqdefault

About anitakellam

Wife-Mom-Health Care Provider-Fitness Junky- Gluten/Dairy Free Foody, Aspiring Techno Geek My name Dr. Anita Kellam, DNP, FNP-C. I am a board certified Family Nurse Practitioner and maintain a practice in rural Montana. When I was a kid I was a competitive swimmer and even swam at the master's level until I had my first child. I have spent the past 15 years pursuing my professional degrees, raising 3 children and devoting myself to my family. Over the years I saw the pounds slowly creeping up. Once I completed my doctoral degree I made the decision to improve my health and fitness. Beachbody has provided excellent tools that helped me turn my house into a gym. It has been an amazing resource to help me achieve my goals and I am addicted to the products. I would love to help others on their journey to be in the best shape of their lives no matter what age or fitness level. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or like me on my webpage www.anitakellam.com.

2 Responses to “Healing the shame!”

  1. Well done. No one should have to endure twenty years of nagging fear in the back of their minds let alone constant reminders via multiple forms of contact. I’m really proud of you for standing up for yourself. What a wonderful example your daughter has to look up to! Hurray for victories 🙂

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